Pity party of sorts

Now that school is over, nclex is finished... I wonder what I plan to do to occupy my time. Other than cleaning my house, of course. That is never ending, with a teenager and tween and all. These boys can really, really make a mess. Of course, neither of them claim the mess.. so the blame goes to my invisible child... often called, "wasn't me", or "i dunno who did it". i know every family with children also has this invisible child as well, right?

Once upon a time, I used to be really, really good at working with computer graphics. I am not sure if I want to get into that again?? I used to know how to a lot of things that would occupy my free time for hours... but I am so just not interested in that stuff anymore like I once was. I guess I just need to find a new hobby.. hell maybe even a boyfriend after all of these years of being the single mom. I dunno??? Kinda confused. I am sure this is all part of the after-school let down phase that I was told I would go through. Kinda sucks, huh, if you have been through it.

I miss the internet friends that I haven't been too attentive of over the past couple of years. I am sure that a few friendships have just dissipated because of a lack of communication. It was difficult to manage school, work, and the kids as well as maintaining friendships with barely any free time at all for myself. Now I have this time, and well, I just don't seem to have the same things in common with these people anymore. A few I will always be able to talk with, etc, but others.... may as well just delete them from my messengers.

Ok enough poor, pity me stuff.. I must get in the bed so I do not oversleep in the morning. That would be.. well.... BAD. g'nite :)

Baseball & Committment

Today is my last day of a wonderful 4 day weekend. I have a few errands that I need to do.. like go pick up my OFFICIAL new badge that has my new title on it :) Also have to go to the grocery store :( I hate going to the store with a passion. My youngest is at baseball practice at the moment, and he will have to go again tonight. That is the committment of being an All-Star.. practices every day for 2 weeks, sometimes 2 times a day. Now he wants to play AAU baseball, which if you are not familiar with it... well it costs a lot of money, requires a lot of travel, and also is a huge committment, even moreso than what we are going through right now with the youth league & all-stars. Then my oldest informs me that he would also like to try out of an AAU team. I am one person.. how can I even make that kind of committment between working nights (which will come about probably mid next month) and being a single parent? I suppose if I had to do anything, I would allow the oldest to try out first, well because he is the oldest. He really enjoys playing baseball, but he doesn't seem to have the passion that my youngest has for the game. It really puts a person in a predicament.

It's not that he doesn't love the game, but I just wonder about his committment to that type of team. AAU is serious about it, and I guess all I could do is give him the opportunity to try out. If he doesn't make the team, then all of the worrying would be for nothing. Problem is: if he didn't make the team and the youngest did, then a part of him would most likely begrudge the youngest for getting to do something that he didn't get the opportunity to do. I honestly just do not know what to do? I suppose I will just start thinking about it a little more and then make a decision later on this summer. After all, most teams will not be having tryouts until after this all-star stuff is completed and nationals, for the teams that are good enough or lucky enough to make it there. Gives me a couple of months to think. Now I am off to get cleaned up so I can run my errands!

yeah.. it's official!!

so i took the leap and took the nclex this past tuesday. never before have i ever been to the almost panic level of anxiety, but i was almost there on monday night! i couldn't even stay to watch my youngest son's final season baseball game because i was so nervous. amazing how one test will do this to you. arrived at the testing center early.... sure didn't want to be late! lol.
went through the entire ordeal of security measures to enter the testing room... took the test. it cut off at 75 questions and then came several days of nausea, nervousness, lack of concentration, etc until i finally gave in and called the bon to see my results....... i was prepared for the bad news, but they told me that i PASSED! i literally cried lol. cried from relief of all the anxiety i had been feeling the past few days. my nausea instantly disappeared. i felt 100 feet tall. how dare them make me feel like that LOL!

i just find it also amazing that 75 questions determines a person's competency to be a nurse. the questions i had were... well HARD as hell. no doubt about it. i felt like an idiot when i left that place. i had medication questions for drugs i wasn't even sure were in the drug book :) lord knows i had never heard of them.. how was i supposed to tell the nclex people what side effects or interventions to look for/do?? but it is all water under the bridge now. i no longer have to sign my name with RN-A (A = applicant) anymore! i can push forward in my preceptorship toward my goal of working the ICU. I externed in there for 9 months, and was hoping to get a job in there after school, but unfortunately, my manager, and probably wisely so, does not hire new graduates to work in the unit. so i will do my time in med-surg. learn my time management, charting, and so on, so that i can move my career forward. i owe them at least 6 months on the floor until i can change positions, but if i do have give my employer 1 year for certain.

i would entertain the possibility of working in the ER, but there are some things that just simply gross me out... like protruding eyeballs for one lol. but other than that, i know i would do much better with a faster paced environment. so we will see where the future takes me. i just know that there are several places i would entertain the thought of working and some places i have absolutely no interest in working. now that i am officially an RN, i hope many doors open for me wherever i choose to land.

Finally!

The waiting has been.... painful, to say the least. Never did I imagine that I would have to wait 3 weeks for my eligibility letter from the board of nursing and my ATT. But they have arrived, and I have scheduled my test. phew.. makes me nervous just thinking about it! I am taking a review class offered by my place of employment.. well really they are paying for me to attend and it happens to be located at the facility. This will happen the week before I take the test. I really must crack down and study some more now! Playtime is oooovvveerr for me until then.

In the meantime... I decided to adopt this beautiful little baby :) Isn't he adorable? His name is TJ and he is a puppy through and through. He is a Papillon and I love him already, although my patience has been tried a time or two lol. He is full of energy and loves to chew! of course :)

Anyhow, not much else has been happening around here. Have to try on the uniforms that I ordered to make sure that they fit, do some laundry, cut the grass and finally.. go sign my papers at work. But first, I plan to spend the rest of the evening relaxing after being gone all weekend.

It just Figures

Go to the youngest's baseball game last night, and the other team had to forfeit as the other team had a couple of members not show up. So, had a thought.... let's go see Spiderman! yeah!! (btw, i really wanna see the movie; first movie i have wanted to go see in a long time). It was sold out - of course! Today, had plans to watch the race... rained out. it's been raining all afternoon here, so expected it. decided to come home from my mother's house because it was... well raining, and we were going to watch the fireworks. So mom calls to tell me that they are setting off the fireworks anyhow?? in the drizzling rain??? see.. it just figures. Guess I am just gonna plan on staying in the house for the rest of the weekend.

BTW - passed my FINAL exam with a 92 and I am now officially have an Associate's Degree in Nursing... YAY me :)

I rock @ shock

Just wanted to post some bragging rights here... :) we had our test on shock, code management, acute resp failure & ards this week and oh yeah.. got a 98!! i was flying high on that grade, especially after doing so bad on the previous test. Sure did make me feel great!

Final exam is next week... I just cannot believe that it is almost over, still. Planning on taking a little vacation over the next 2 weeks. Grades are due by May 10, so am hopefully expecting my ATT sometime in the week of May 15. I am scared to death of scheduling for the nclex, taking the nclex, failing the nclex. All i can do is prepare, prepare, prepare. Do my best. Pray to god for a passing score. All I can do.

I had meant to share more of my clinical stories this semester and some more of my work stories, but between taking 3 classes this semester and working, it was all i could do just to manage that, let alone the kids and their extracurricular activities. Hopefully, one of these days I will be able to put more of these stories together. Well, off on a studying/reviewing journey I go.

58 down, 2 to go

I can't believe that there are only 2 more weeks left of my nursing classes and I AM DONE. Finished. Of course, this is assuming that I am going to pass the class :) After the horrid test we took today, I am so very, very thankful I had a great average with some cushion. Just need to rock the next test and the final exam and I will a-ok.

I hope that the college sends the transcripts soon to the board of nursing. I am really hoping to schedule my test in the beginning of june. I am scared to death of taking the nclex. completely. totally. scared. I guess this is normal to have this anxiety about it. I mean after all the work and time and life-changing events/priorities, I would just die if I don't pass. I honestly don't know what to think or do.

On another note, I interviewed at another local hospital last week for a position in ob and er. I felt that the interview went well, but truth be told, I really wanted a position in the icu, for which I am interviewing for this coming wednesday. the problem is that this hospital does not pay as well as the one I currently work, so it just makes the decision even harder. I guess I have to actually be offered the position first - duh - but in case that happens, i want to be prepared of what I am actually planning on doing. I do hate not knowing what I am planning on doing. I have just been too indecisive on this. Guess I will just see how things go and then make a decision from there. Gotta get my pros/cons list out right away though and formulate some questions to ask in the interview.

guess i really need to catch some zzzzz's. first tuesday in awhile that i don't have to get up before dawn and go to clinicals *grin*

One step closer

tomorrow and wednesday will my LAST clinicals forever :) unless of course i continue on to pursue my BSN, which I am planning on doing soon in the future. but i am just so excited to be that much closer to finishing. Finally got the monster of a community assessment finished and turned in.. phew. hated that project with a passion! put in an application at another hospital.. want to keep my options open. not to mention that will be a greater opportunity for learning experiences at this other hospital if i can get the job :) keeping fingers crossed. the downside is that it will require some commuting, so they will have to offer a comparable package to the one in which i have already been offered.

i can't wait to have a normal life again. i have felt bound to textbooks and interventions and rationale for the past 2 years and now i just want some free time, me time, and most of all, put some real order back into this house, which has books and books and books all over, wherever i plan on working that night lol.

ok, enough rambling for now. i must go get some sleep. alarm comes early in the morning.

Indecisions

I have been officially offered a job where I work. Not in the ICU like I had hoped, mostly because there aren't any open positions in there at the moment. The job is on the medical/telemetry floor, full time nights. My indecision comes from a potential desire to work somewhere else. I am just not sure if I am making the right decision, although it is possible that I am. At the other hospital where we do our clinicals, there are openings in the ICU, and I really enjoyed my experience in that unit as well as the way that hospital handles things a bit differently. I wonder do all students go through the same indecision as I am about where to work when they are finished, or do they know exactly where they want to work and there is really no other option for them.

We have 5 weeks left of school. 5 long weeks. But only 2 more weeks of clincal left :) I am so excited to be thisclose to being finished. Although the next 5 weeks is going to be full of tests, ATI tests mostly. I think we have at least 7 of them to take. I have mailed my application for licensure to the board of nursing and paid my nclex examination fee. Now just waiting for classes to be done, transcripts to be sent, and receiving my att so that I can schedule my exam. My nerves are shot... shot to hell. I have to finish writing up my part of this huge community assessment that we have had to do this semester (hate all aspects of this project, btw). Have to finish my portfolio for leadership, and study, study, study. In the meanwhile, my oldest son is on the JV baseball team at school, youth league baseball has started and I am only one person able to be in one place at one time. I can't feel more pulled in different directions than I do right now. Will it ever end? I know it will, but what will I do when it does?

I am sure that I will want to catch up on a couple years of lost sleep lol.

We are the Champions!

All-Star basketball tournament was today for the 11-12 year old league. And our team came out victorious! Wooooot!! Nothing like some good old competitive basketball. Some of the kids took some hardknocks on our team (including my own son!) But we fought hard and was undefeated in the tourney. I am so proud of our team for keeping their heads up, hearts strong, and finishing out a great season. Congrats!

Now that basketball is over, it won't be long until baseball starts full blast. Team drafts are next weekend and practices will start soon after that. My oldest son, who is in the 8th grade, made the high school JV baseball team and their games start next week too. I tell you, it will take some time management skills to be able to balance all of this running around, seriously. Good thing I am learning a lot of that here in my last semester of school. Truthfully, I can't wait for baseball to start. I love baseball. And I love the Cardinals... here is hoping for another championship season for my Redbirds :)